Wisdom and Sorrow

(written June 25th )

Hmmm… I am in the car on my way to PA to visit with my sister for the week, taking my time reading in the Living WORD… decided to read through Ecclesiastes. I have been praying as I read… “Lord, reveal to me what it is that you want me to hear from you” and this is where HE stopped me …

Ecclesiastes 1: 18
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief."

I often pray for wisdom, because of where I am at in my life. With being a partial working mother, volunteering my time with church a lot, and not to mention being a wife and a mother of three children… I’d say I need A LOT of wisdom. Never have I thought about what comes with wisdom, I know that the Lord has promised to give us wisdom if we ask… and so I do. I ask often, because in this life I feel incredibly unprepared for life. There are many times that I still feel as if I am a teenager, as if I shouldn’t have the responsibilities that I do, but here I am.

Dear Lord, please grant me wisdom and understanding. I am at a loss of how to rear my children, I am at a loss of how to be the wife you want me to be, I am at a loss of how to be the woman you want me to be, I am at a loss of how to be a good daughter-in-law, I am at a loss of how to be a good sister, I am at a loss of how to be a good friend.

Lord grant me wisdom.

Yet, never has this scripture struck me right between my eyes like it did today. With wisdom comes much sorrow. My heart skips a beat, much sorrow. My mind races to so many different things that are going on right now. My father-in-law has a terminal cancer, and we don’t how long he has left here on this earth. We just found out that my Opa has been sent to the Hospital, he is very dehydrated and the doctors are running a lot of tests because his kidneys are not functioning the right way.(through blood work we found out that not only are his kidneys not function, he also had blood clots in both legs, and had a heart attack. The docs have him on dialysis for now.) All this brings me sorrow… is it in the midst of this sorrow that the Lord is pouring out HIS wisdom in my life? Is this where he is allowing me to gain understanding in the midst of “this” sorrow? I am wondering, because when I asked for wisdom, I wasn’t asking for this specific sorrow. Yet, I want the Lord’s will in our lives and if it means this sorrow than I welcome it, not because I want to and not because is is joyful for me to, but because this sorrow will bring about wisdom.

(at the hospital in NY with Oma and Opa)

(Eli, Zach and Lilly with Oma and Opa)

(Oma reading cards to Opa)

Lord, this wasn’t my idea of how to gain wisdom. Please prepare my heart for the road to come, prepare me as I gain wisdom and endure this sorrow. My heart aches as I sit and ponder this road, never did I think I would be walking this road. Lord, give me joy in the midst of this road you have chosen for me to travel. I want to shine your glory in the midst of this road, I want for the world to hear only your praises coming from my lips.

Wisdom.

Sorrow.

These two go hand in hand, but I had never put the two together.
Thank you Lord for revealing yourself to me, for revealing what you had for me to learn as I have been taking in your bread of life. Lord thank you for YOUR wisdom, and I also thank you for sorrow.