Battles

I keep trying to remind myself that we are battling against things other than this world.... it's much bigger than us, the spiritual realm.

When it's not one thing that is going wrong (or not the way you want it to) than it's another. Right now (being brutally honest and real, if this is too unbridled for you than stop reading now....)it seems that everything is going against us right now.

Scott not having a job; me having to pick up with clients and with a part-time job at Edible Arrangements; feeling the bond that I have with my children being severed; struggles in marriage with lack of communication (although lately we have been working on that more and more); my weight gain from the anti-depressant that I am on; feeling as if my parenting skills have been totally slack and off track; feeling as if the kids are out of control.... the list keeps going.

Then a still small voice reminds me...

"christy, it's not about your feelings... it's about ME. Am I at the center of all that you are doing? Am I the one that you are clinging to? Am I the one that you hold onto when it gets tough? Are you trying to lean on your own understanding??? Are you looking to me for guidance in your parenting? You have a very real enemy that wants to steal, kill and destroy... remember that. The trials you go through will refine you, they will make you stronger, they will create in you perseverance, they will make you LOOK to ME. Don't let your enemy beat you up... stand firm and hold fast to me because I am with you always, I have seen you through these tough times... and you have come out on the other side a victor! This is only a season, and I promise that I will be WITH YOU!"

In my heart I respond with so many different things...

Are you sure Lord? can I trust your word... I know I can trust your word... but it's still hard to do it when the world is pulling at you. I know that you are on my side, it's just hard to remember that when I am in the middle of this crazy thing called "life". How can I do this? How do I release control of all these things? I feel that when I do release control, my life will spin out of control. How do I continue to place my children in your hands? How do I continue to place my marriage in your hands? How do I continue to place ALL of my life into your hands? Lord I know you want what is best for me. You are for me, not against me. You hold me in your hands, and you call me your beloved. You desire me, and you pursue me. You want my life to be abundant, not complacent. I know full well that you want what is best... so... I DO... I DO TRUST YOU... WITH MY WHOLE LIFE... WITH EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW... I DO TRUST YOU.

After I am feeling good again, feeling as if the Lord is standing right with me and we are ready to take on anything that is thrown our way... something is thrown our way... and it's my biggest weakness... my youngest child Zach.

Oh how I love this little boy... not more than my other two... he is just my baby... my last one. I find it very hard to be consistent with him, and I find it very hard to discipline him like I do my other two.

(let me jump back for a minute and say that I had been working very long hours last week... and getting up way earlier than usual. I am NOT a morning person so doing this many days in a row was very taxing on me. 5:20 am isn't normal for me... and it never will be :0). My feet literally felt as if the bones were going to come through the bottom of my feet, and the rest of my body was incredibly sore, my right hand remained numb almost all week... and I had pain in my arm. I am not complaining... I am grateful that the Lord has provided this for me to do... I just need you to know how crummy I was feeling)

This one particular day I come into the house... things appeared to be going fine. Scott said that the kids were great and they had a blast playing all day with their "no" tv day. Dinner comes and goes... and then it starts. The Battle began with Zach, he was being very disrespectful and talking very rudely to me. (usually I push that off, because he's my baby, and chalk it up to the fact that he doesn't understand what he is doing... BOLOGNA!) Scott, my valiant knight, addressed the issues with Zach.

This battle started at 7:30pm and ended with the both of them just like this at around 10pm....

My dear husband stepped it up one million percent. He didn't back down with Zach, he stood his ground and demanded respect. He picked up where they left off in the morning and guess who caved... my baby... Zach. All because daddy, my knight in shining armor, stood his ground. He truly made me the most proud wife ever to walk this earth . I didn't have the patience, nor the stamina, to handle doing what he did... (at one point I broke down crying hysterical, because I couldn't take hearing my baby crying for so long and not giving in to his daddy demanding respect)... Zach and daddy battled, and daddy won!

Scott, you truly spoke volumes to me that night. You showed me just how the Lord loves us. He loves us enough to discipline us... but in a loving way. You have grown tremendously, and I anxiously await the continued growth over the rest of our lives. You are my Valiant Knight!
I unconditionally respect you.