Storms

This post is one that I have been wanting to do for quit a while now, but haven't had the courage to do. This is going to be a long one... so grab a glass of water, coffee, sweet tea... and bare with me.

Let me start by saying I have not tried to hide this from anyone, nor have I ignored anyone.

These past couple months have been very stormy. winds have blown every which way and haven't seemed to stop. I share this not because I want sympathy or a pat on the back, but because I need to be real.

(Not that all other posts haven't been real, they have been %100 real. But if you follow at all I am sure you have noticed that my blogging has tapered off quit a bit.)

So these storms that have come, have been prayed for and sought out by myself for a while now. Not that I like storms in my life, but I have been so convicted to live a life that is well pleasing to the Lord. My hearts desire is to live a life that is a direct reflection of who He is and shower His love on others as HE has done to me (and my family).

My specific prayer...

"Lord, do whatever it takes to bring your name glory and for our family to be one that is fully dependant on You."

When the Lord called us to live a life that reflects His own... Do you think that meant an easy,pain free,storm free life?

Not at all!

Quit the contrary. He said that we will face storms of many kinds, heartache, sickness, sadness, betrayal... you fill in the blank.

BUT...

HE IS WITH US!

To let you in on some of my life these last couple months...

There has been fear, a feeling of utter despair, surrounding darkness, helplessness, feeling alone, an overwhelming sense of responsibility, anxiety, frustration, edginess.

It came to a breaking point when I couldn't stand to hear myself with my children. Nothing coming out of my mouth that was positive, encouraging or loving. (well, not entirely true. There were moments of loving because for goodness sake they are my kids.) The overwhelming majority of the time I am just flat out stinky!

I have pushed through all the grim each and every day because I have the huge responsibility of being a mother to 3 wonderful kids... but I couldn't do it anymore. I had to seek help. Through much prayer, through much agonizing over what to do and whether I was just being emotional or really needed help... I sought the help of my doctor.

Through many years of sleep deprivation, my body is finally telling me it's time. My body isn't perfect because we live in a fallen world. My body can't handle the little stresses (let alone the big stresses) of life right now because I have no more in me. My "neuro-transmitters" are shot. All that to say (and give you a glimpse into me) I have been deeply depressed. I am on a long road to recovery, the doctor said it could take from 6 months to a year for my body to readjust into a normal sleep pattern again.

Please pray for me, for my husband (who has been nothing short of wonderful to me), and for my children. Pray the Lords protection over them, that they wouldn't be adversely affected by my emotional imbalances. I want the Lord to have FULL control (which is really hard for me to say because I am somewhat of a control freak!)

He (the Lord) has been breaking me over and over... HE has been pushing my self aside, and how sweet it is. He has allowed me to be brought to my knees in surrender. The Lord is at work in the midst of this long storm.

BUT...

HE IS WITH ME (with my whole family)! PRAISE GOD!

Never in my whole life have I understood more completely what David (from the Bible) was going through and how he could question God and praise Him all in one sentence. I have found such comfort in reading through the Psalms, knowing that I am not alone. Knowing that a man that was called "a man after God's own heart", went through very similar emotions.

James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,..."

James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

Yes, there is a lot going on...

But...

HE IS WITH ME!

Psalm 3

"O Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him." selah. But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. selah. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side. Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked. From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people." selah.

I thank you Lord that you have heard my cry to you. I thank you that you have shown me your unending, all encompassing , unfailing, everlasting love, especially this last week.

Just to testify to God's great love for us (for you) this past week I have had about 5 phone calls from different people (not connected to each other at all) call me and say that the Lord has laid me on their hearts... to encourage, and to pray for me.

HE IS WITH ME!

Best of all, my best friend that is now in South Africa, sent me an email saying that the Lord had laid me on her heart for the past couple days as well (not knowing how bad things have been, because when you are depressed you just don't want to talk about it) and that she was praying for me as well.

Thank you Lord for working through your people, for prompting them to pray for me(your child). Words cannot express the gratitude and overwhelming love I have for my God, yes even in the midst of this storm. Lord I hold fast to you... You are my light and my song, you are my everything.

(This picture is a description of my life right now... BUT... He is with me, He is my light)

words from a song that is dear to my heart right now...

"when the world is falling out from under me

I'll be found in YOU

still standing"

~Brooke Fraser~

enjoy the song... let it speak to you as it has spoken to me.
(in order to listen, go to my playlist and press stop... then press the play button at the bottom of this song)