Recalibrating

Ok, this post will be different than usual... there will be no pictures, just me blabbing away. The past 4 weeks our pastors have been doing a series on 'Lessons from the wilderness', and may I say what a phenomenal job they did. Scott and I were very excited to do this because it seems here lately we have been going through a wilderness in many different areas in our lives. I am going to be pretty open here, so don't get scared... just tryin' to be real with people. I want people to know that we all struggle, this walk/journey we are on is not easy... there is a lot of work to be done. The first part of this wilderness has been our kids Lilly and Zach... have been on and off meds now since the week before Christmas. That has been rough for Scott and I for many reasons.

One reason is having to listen to sick children doing nothing but whining, and let me say my kids have gotten that bit down... they have officially mastered the whining, and it drives me insane! I know that they are not feeling well, so on top of it driving me insane, it also makes me feel guilty because I know they just want to be comforted. I am only one person, who can't comfort two under 2 1/2 yrs at the same time... or when I am cooking dinner... or when I am doing laundry... or when I am cleaning bathrooms... or when I am mopping floors... and the list goes on. (Please hear me out... I am not whining, I am just trying to be real and show you how I got slapped upside the head today!) I know that as moms we have so much pressure on us all the time... pressure that many times we put on ourselves, but none the less it is there. We feel it... it is real... and we get overwhelmed with it all to the point of wanting to break down and cry when the pot of water starts boiling over onto the stove!

The other reason has been a combination of many different things... so this I will share bits of pieces of. We need prayer... PRAYER... and more PRAYER! Communication, good communication, is many times really hard to have when we have three kids vying for our attention, house work needing to get done, and then tiredness from the day sets in. A lot of times what we talk about is very superficial... stuff about the kids, how our day went, and blah blah. What about where our priorities are?, or how we are doing in our walk spiritually... apart from each other, and WITH each other? Where is Christ seated in our lives at the moment? are we really living FOR the Lord? with ALL that we are and ALL that we have? Are our lives giving off a sweet aroma to the Lord? Can others just look at us, or listen to us, and know where we stand? These are the things I long to talk about and communicate about... the things that matter when all is said and done, and we stand before the Lord to give account of our lives and how we lived them and what we did in HIS NAME. I want more meaning and more depth... is anyone feelin' me? So as far as connection through communication, right now we need prayer... because both Scott and I are feeling the effects of the busyness of life. Now, I know we all feel it... again this is going somewhere... just hang in there!

All of this has been on my mind, all of this heavy stuff... and I have been depleted of joy lately because of the stresses. I know, that as believers we need to rejoice in our sufferings, it does sharpen us, and grow us deeper, and make us more like Christ... but I don't think that means we need to be jumping up and down for joy... I think that means we need to hold onto Jesus through the sufferings and reflect, and remember that HE holds our future... and HE has already scripted each page of our story. PRAISE you LORD for that! So as a result of me being depleted of joy lately... everyone around me suffers... including Scott. I tend to become very quiet, non-verbal, and straight faced when I am feeling like this... which in turn makes Scott keep his distance, because he feels that I want my space... when in reality I want him to take notice of what is going on... I want him to be in my face and pull it out of me... I want him to grab me tightly and hold me... just to say 'honey let's pray about what is going on and what you are feeling right now'. Because Scott's inclination is to back off... I end up getting upset with him because I 'feel' like he doesn't care... when in reality... he does, he is just giving me my space. So, I am sitting in service today and Pastor Andrew gets up to speak... and somehow I knew that my world was going to be rocked today... but I was ready for it, and wanting it. The text we read from this morning was Exodus 32:1-6... now if you have the time, I would suggest reading chapters 32-34 (it puts things into perspective and sheds light on a lot of things... and is just a great read). Pastor starts out with ...

"What has our heart, love and devotion... is the very thing we worship".

So I start thinking and questioning myself... 'what is it that has my heart right now? what has my love, and my devotion? what am I worshiping?

He makes some more points... one on how the Israelites(the people that Moses led out of Egypt, across the red sea... on DRY land) end up noticing that it is taking Moses a really long time to come back down from Mt. Sinai (if you haven't read Exodus 32:1-6 yet... stop and do it please) they get impatient... my wheels are turning... they become unfaithful to God, the very one who gave them Moses, and who gave Moses the power through his staff to part the sea... and they chose to have idols made out of the gold they were wearing and to call those idols... the very god who brought them out of Egypt... ok, stop right there... That sounds NUTS to me... they just witnessed and were part of an amazing miracle and they are ready to throw in the towel so quickly... what is wrong with them.... Yeah... not so far from myself, actually really close to my heart... because when things get overwhelming here I tend to lose my joy... why? because I let the troubles of this life get me down... when all I need to do is give it up right then and there... instead I chose to try and fix things myself... or dwell on them to the point of pure exhaustion. Wake up Christy... one SLAP upside the head! The Israelites thrust God aside and turned their hearts back to Egypt (Acts 7;37-39). So many times, when little things are thrown my way I turn my heart back to Egypt... and that is not where my heart should be. Pastor Andrew said...

' We need to bring into alignment what we know to be true and how we live.'

I am thinking... 'ok, so I need to do this... I know what the Lord requires of me... I know how He wants me to live... it's a life that fully reflects His love, and His Power and His life lived in and through me... I need to align what I know with my life... again! How many times do I get so far off track? How many times do I let the kids and my husband take my attention away from the Lord? I want my life to reflect the Lord and His goodness, I want my family to reap the benefits of that kind of living... and I am NOT living like that the last two weeks. Lord help me get things in alignment with you.' SLAP number two! (by now I thought the slapping was done... but a big fat... NO... I love the way the Lord moves, don't you?)

Then Pastor goes on and drops this quote from John Piper....

"God is most glorified in us when we are most SATISFIED IN HIM."

Wow, another thing that I know... but do I live it? Do I live satisfied in Him... at ALL times? is he glorified in me? (which be glorified, is an awesome worship song... I don't know who did it... but that is what came to my mind). The songs goes something like this... Your love has captured me, Your love has set me free, Your life the air I breath... be glorified in me. I want that to be my theme song... be glorified in me... always... be the air I breath...

Then go back and read Exodus 32:4-5 again... in the midst of silence, the things that God gave the Israelites, were the very things they made into their idol. So I got to thinking again... what has been my idol lately... what has been capturing my every thought and all of me? and let me just admit it... my relationship with my husband... that has been my idol. I know, I am so whacked... but I am just being real with you. I ask you, what is your idol right now? What are you living for? Where are you on this journey... this wilderness? Why are we replacing GOD with what HE has blessed us with? SLAP number three! I love my husband so deeply, I love him and sadly to say I have replaced the Lord with wanting our relationship to be perfect... now I don't at all think it wrong to want the best for your marriage relationship... not by any means... but it is wrong to allow that relationship to take precedence over your relationship with the Lord. That my friends... is what I have allowed these last few weeks... I hate to admit it... but I have. I am guilty as charged... but the good news is... The LORD ALWAYS takes us back... He is there with arms wide open (great song by the way... ah, Creed sings that)... ready and waiting, and WILLING to take us back into His arms again. Thank you Lord for taking me back into your arms... when I have pushed you away these last few weeks... Thank You! So my morning was filled, jam packed with lots of Slappin' around, lots of putting your priorities in line, and re-placing God onto His rightful throne ... as Pastor Andrew put it this morning...

'We need to recalibrate our worship.'

In your wilderness right now... who or what are you worshiping?I know I did some of this... this afternoon, and what about you... do you need some recalibrating?

just a glimpse into what the Lord is doing in my heart right now... thanks for reading!

hand raised high,

christy

ps. to hear the actual sermon you can go to http://www.thegatheringnc.org/ and click on the left sidebar sermons... this last weeks sermon Worship in the wilderness should be up soon... that is the one I wrote about here.